W H Y

Being a foster parent the last four years has been the hardest life experience I have ever chosen. This journey has caused me to cry more, sleep less, and experience more powerful emotions than I could have imagined. It has exposed me to such hideous ugliness and darkness in the world. In the beginning, I felt certain that despite the hardness, foster care would draw me closer and closer to my God. Yet, I have spent many nights in the last four years wide awake, panicked and screaming inside, wondering if there even is a God and where He is. I have continued to speak and live my faith, but there have many times when I could not be certain the faith was even there anymore. So…this begs the question…why? Why would I choose to live out a journey that has robbed me of sleep, a social life, or my twenties full of enjoying marriage and 2.5 non-traumatized or ailing children? Why would I continue to step into a gap where thanks are rare and people are quick to offer judgement and condemnation? Why would I continue to say yes to a mission which has shaken my self-image, physical health, and relationships with my husband, friends, extended family, and God to the core? Why would I say yes to an everyday (and every night) full of appointments, meltdowns, trauma triggers, therapies, meetings, emails, phone calls, court hearings, treatments, and more days in hospitals than I would have liked to see in my entire life? Why would I choose to allow this hard to be my story? Why do I find myself tonight, Friday night, unloading my heart while tears stream down my face when I could be watching Netflix or partying with friends? Why….?

Is it the kids?

These children are precious. Despite their many flaws, deep wounds, and immense difficulties, it is easy to become lost in their eyes, their smiles, and their victories. Even on days when the smiles and warmth and victory is buried beneath trauma and disability, it is still easy to cling to the knowledge of a child’s value and right to be wrapped in safety and love. So do I do it for the kids?

Yes…but that isn’t enough.

Is it the bigger circle?

Foster care doesn’t end with the children in care. No, it seeps far into the circle that surrounds them. There are biological parents who need to be told and shown for the first time that they are worthy of love. There are social workers who need to see good in the world once again through a positive and thankful foster parent. There are churches and neighbors and friends and extended family members who need to see the joy of living life outside the lines. So do I do it for the bigger circle?

Yes...but that isn’t enough.

It is the compensation or the accolades?

This one is easy: No.

That isn’t enough.

The truth is, even when my faith feels broken…even when I begin to doubt that the eyes of a loving God are on me and my home…even when I am barely, barely clinging to the tiniest thread of faith—that is the why. Without Jesus, without the hope of who He is and what He has done, none of this—None. Of. It.—could be enough to say yes. Somehow, after a night of tossing and turning, wondering if I have been abandoned or I am drowning in the ache of the stories of heartbreak that fill my home, it is that teeny tiny thread that lifts me to my feet the next morning. Actually, it isn’t even the thread because I am powerless. But on the other end of that thread—and every other side of it—is a great big God who sees, hears, and loves His daughter and every other person who fills my home. That God is too faithful to abandon me, too good to leave me undisciplined or without a good hand and heart slap every now and then. That God is so kind and gracious and forgiving that He hears my words of doubt, sees my confusion and pain, and tells me it’s time to rest in Him as I place one foot in front of the other and step bolding into the story He is writing. Without Him, these kids would just be kids who couldn’t possibly be worth the sacrifice. Without him, these circles would be full of people who there is no hope of redemption for.

It’s. All. Jesus.

He is the why.

Even when I forget that and find myself leaning on my own sorry excuse for wisdom or strength, it is still Him. He is the one who takes days full of insanity and pulls to the surface the moments of stillness, laughter, smiles, joy, growth, relationship, grace, and over-comings. He is the one who makes the hardest of hard days worthwhile when He plants tiny seeds. He is the one who is glorified even when there is not much earthly fruit to show.  He is the why, the reason, and the worth it.

And that…that why…makes the hard years, months, weeks, and days like today undoubtedly worth it. -Micah

Life Update

The last three years have been trying and also amazing as we have grown as individuals, a couple, and most definitely a family. We have crammed a whole lot of wild living into the last three years, perhaps more than we even thought possible. Our hearts have broken and also exploded with joy. We have experienced the miraculous providence of God and learned to hear His voice and see through His eyes in new ways. Perhaps more than anything, we have asked God to align our hearts and desires with His and we have found ourselves desiring anything but conventional, risk-free living. Our eyes have been further opened to the deep, deep brokenness in this world and God’s desire to place His people in the gaps. We are not called, nor is it possible, for us to fill every gap. But we can be available and willing to be placed in gaps we may not have ever thought it was possible for us to fill. As we have prayed, grown, sought and listened together, we feel confident that God is going to use us and our children to fill even more gaps for children in need of loving homes, specifically children with complex medical needs and children who are needing someone to love them as they die.

Our next step in this calling was to purchase an obnoxiously large van. As of a few days ago, after much prayer and waiting, God provided a 15-passenger van to our family. This van will allow us to transport more than one wheelchair at a time and still have more than enough seats. We have discussed the possibility of a friend of ours moving in with us as a live-in nanny of sorts. Her presence would allow us to attend most medical appointments without searching for babysitters and also to have another heart and pair of hands to help out with the needs of our kids.

The next (very big!) step is house hunting. We know without a doubt that God is going to have to provide a house in a very non-conventional fashion. We are looking for a BIG house…as many bedrooms as we can get within our price range (which is pretty limited). An added bonus would be ability to be made handicap accessible to some extent. While this seems impossible, we know that all we are called to do is trust and keep taking one step at a time. God has always provided and finances have never stood in the way of His vision. It is important to us to be good stewards—to avoid large amounts of debt when possible, pay it off as soon as possible when debt does arise, and to be very wise in what we choose to spend our money on. We are currently looking for houses that would be options, trying to make the need for a unique home known, but also digging into preparing the house we have know as best we can to perhaps take another child. We would ideally like to move as soon as possible, but we must wait for the perfect home and providence beyond our own understanding and ability.

Here are some tangible things we are needing help with:

-Prayer for wisdom as far as timing, calling, and next steps

-Prayer for our current kiddos. Their world is often rocked. If we begin taking children who are terminal….WHEW. It’s going to be rough. We do NOT take this lightly and would not ask this of our children if it was not clear to us that God was calling us to.  Pray for God to guard their hearts and grow them in compassion. Pray for us as parents, that we would know when to step out and place them at risk and when to pull in and take time to steady their world.

-We ask that you still include us/invite us/reach out to us, even when the answer may be no. We don’t want to be completely isolated and we don’t want anyone to ever feel like they would be burdening with us with one more thing. The best thing to do would be to still just ask. We are still US!

-We need a house to move into. We would appreciate if you could make the need known if you have any connections with people who may have an idea of a house that would be a possibility.

Silas and Micah

Purposeful Pain

Today, I went to the health food store for the first time after being diagnosed with Celiac Disease. As I scanned shelves aisle after aisle searching for gluten free snacks that wouldn't leave us broke, I felt an unexpected flood of tears well up inside of me. I plopped a few items in my cart and hurried through check-out as Eli screamed. I couldn't make eye contact with the cashier, as I knew some dam within me was about to splinter. I barely had the car loaded and my seat belt buckled when it came....a full-out shoulder-shaking, face contorting, breath robbing boo-hoo. I cried as I backed out. I cried as the man in the pick-up truck glanced uncomfortably at me at the stop light. I cried as the motorcyclist gawked in his rear view mirror through the construction zone. I sobbed in the front while Eli wailed in the back. I didn't stop until I was safely parked in our garage. I sat in my own silence, listening to Eli's sleepy breathing behind me and wondering where such a breakdown had come from. As I questioned my own heart, I not only discovered the recent frustration of this new diagnosis and lifestyle, but an enormous heap of hurt mistakenly labeled as "This Doesn't Matter Because Other People Have it Worse."Events from the last year and beyond swirled to the surface of my mind. Just as swiftly, I generated an excuse for each one of why it shouldn't bother me because it could be so much worse. I'm quick to become angry with myself when I feel worn by life's circumstances, believing it makes me selfish. But today, I felt a whisper asking me to look again...to look beneath the excuses...to acknowledge the hard and the hurt. So one by one, I did. I even said them out loud: It's hard that my brother died. Oh, how I miss him! It was hard to be depressed and suicidal for months last year and to be fearful of it returning. It was hard to not know where we would live. It was hard to move to a house I didn't see the potential in. It was hard to become parents before we thought we were "ready." It's hard to have my son's surgery looming. It's hard to feel called to so much, yet feel as if I am doing so little. It's hard to have a disease that makes me feel so sick. It's hard to have that disease so far along that my body isn't absorbing nutrients. It's hard that I am fighting with everything I have to make enough milk to feed my son. It's hard to learn to be married to someone. It's hard to feel so alone and isolated in a new city. It's hard to be entering the unknowns of foster care. It's hard to have felt so far from God. It's hard to watch my nation and world crumble. It's hard to be out of control of Grant and Reed's care. It was so hard to teach. It's hard to not know why I got a teaching degree. It's hard to have our income cut more than in half. It's hard to learn to be home everyday. It's hard to try to get involved in a new church. At 23 years old, it's still crazy hard to be a child of divorce. If I'm honest, there's a lot of hard and a lot of hurt. I'm realizing that Satan would love for me to believe that there's not...that I'm ok...that it's selfish to hurt. You see, one of Satan's greatest lies in my life is that my pain, my brokenness, my circumstances...they don't matter because there are so many others whose trials are much greater and deeper. While this is valid fact and always will be, it can also become a devastating roadblock between us and the healing God wants to bring. If Satan can convince us that our hurt shouldn't exist, he can keep us from experiencing the embrace and comfort of the Healer. Although we may not be struggling in the same way or capacity that others are, our pain is real, whether it's total persecution or a friendship falling apart. God knows our story, our pain, our circumstances. He is not wringing His hands, wishing he would've given us a life where we could know REAL suffering. He doesn't ask us to always compare our story to those of others....instead, He asks us to be faithful in our own aching. He desires to lead us, love us, and be glorified through the story He has given us in His goodness. The Bible declares that God is near to the broken-hearted (Psalm 34:18). In fact, He has an abundance of blessing to heap on the hurting (Matthew 5:3-11). Jesus Himself hurt...deeply. Instead of denying the pain, He cried out to His Father. Shouldn't we do the same? I don't believe  hurt should be wallowed in, used to define us, or that we shouldn't look to the pain of others for our own reality check. But hurt has a purpose and we mustn't let Satan brush away the beauty of our brokenness. May we be faithful and passionate to pray for and reach out to the pain of others while still allowing our hearts to be softened and exposed to the refining fire of our own lives.

-Micah

Elijah Benjamin Pederson

Life is beautiful. I've always believed that, but after giving birth to life itself, it has never been more so. Elijah Benjamin Pederson was born on September 12 at 9:41 pm. He was 7lb 7oz and 20 inches long. After a week of labor off and on, my actual labor was only about 4 hours and he was resting on my chest just an hour after arriving at the hospital. I was so blessed to have had my pregnancy followed by a wonderful, God-loving midwife. She helped us labor at home for as long as possible. Silas was a rockstar...he held me up for hours through contractions, encouraged me, prayed for me, and filled my ears with truth and scripture. My sister was also able to be there. Giving birth was the hardest, strangest thing I've ever done. I remember being afraid, slightly out of my mind, clinging to God and my husband, and wondering what the heck had just happened when I looked around at a room full of doctors and nurses who said "That was the most hilarious labor and delivery we've ever been a part of. Do you mind if we write down some of the things you said?" Praise God for humor at all times! :) Elijah was placed on my chest right away and stayed there as long as I wanted him to. They waited to weigh him, examine him, etc so that we could bond. This was such a gift. Elijah was breathing well when he was born...another huge praise! He was taken within a few hours for a chest x-ray, where it was confirmed that his lung had a cyst in it. We were transferred in the wee hours of the morning to the main hospital for him to be monitored and prepped for a CT scan. We had to wait 26 hours for the results, and meanwhile, his respirations were remaining just a little too fast. The scan showed that his original diagnosis of CCAM (essentially a cyst) would be replaced with the diagnosis of pulmonary sequestration. The difference is that a sequestration has it's own blood feed/artery and can be more of a beast to deal with. The news was hard, but the whole time I was holding my sweet boy who was BREATHING and doing well. Praise God. We were finally discharged with a plan...Eli will be closely watched by doctors in Wichita for 2 weeks and will then head to Kansas City on October 1st to meet with a team of surgeons. He hardly ever cries and seems exhausted when he tries, which worries this mama. It's safe to say that I'm a becoming a hoverer. Elijah's name has been a beautiful reminder through this journey...Elijah--My God is Yahweh, Benjamin--Son of My right hand. His first name also carries the sweet reminder of my niece, Ellie, who passed away 4 years ago. With his middle name, he carries the legacy of his Uncle Benjamin. This little boy of ours is someone very, very special. I am in awe that Silas and I are the ones who get to keep him, raise him, laugh with him, teach him, cry over him, and shepherd him. Thank you, Father. Our God is Yahweh.

Tattered Plans

Life. Life is crazy...and hard...and beautiful...and unexpected. I know this, yet I somehow often find myself stuck in the mindset that the next phase will NOT be crazy, or hard, or unexpected. I want the beauty without the ugly. The thing about following God is that we don't often have beauty without the rest of the pieces, for our God is a God who brings beauty from ashes, healing from hard, and transformation from the unexpected. He is too good, too far beyond our understanding to offer a life of ease. You would think I could remember this...but instead, I have yet again found myself aching in the midst of a crazy, hard, unexpected, and beautiful phase of life. I finished my first year of teaching. What a whirlwind! What a learning experience, joy, and incredibly hard 10 months. Mid-school year, Silas and I found out we would be welcoming a little one in September. We also began and finished foster care classes and began hunting for a house to move into this June. After much prayer and discussion, we decided I would resign from my teaching job to stay home with our little one and the foster children we would soon welcome. We knew we were entering a new journey that would bring growth, hurt, and danger, but were filled with joy at God's work and leading in our life. We had a plan. God had other plans. First, the house hunt did not go as planned. Our lease ends in 5 days and we have no house to move into. Still, God provided...we are able to stay in our apartment for however long we need. We planned. God changed our plans. With no house, our foster care process is at a standstill. We planned. God had other plans. We decided we will bring our sweet baby into the world with a midwife through a  home birth with the least amount of intervention. At the baby's 20 week ultrasound, a mass was discovered in his chest. After appointment after appointment, specialists, and a referral to Children's Mercy Hospital in Kansas City, we will now be delivering in Kansas City surrounded by some of the nations best doctors so our little boy can have the care and surgery he will potentially need. We planned. God had other plans. God provided. To say the least, it has been a HARD few months for the Pedersons. We have cried. Lots. We have prayed. We have sought. We have battled decisions, confusion, and burden. But we have also been met with such peace. I would love to be nesting in a new house, loving on foster children, and holding my swelling belly knowing all is ok. But if that is not God's will and plan for us right now, I don't want that. If the safest place to be is in the middle of God's will, then I know we are safer than we have ever been. Essentially every aspect of our lives has been hurdled into the air...but every piece is still held by mighty hands. Despite the hurt and disappointment, I trust God's best for us. I know that He will provide what we truly need when we need it. So for now...we don't *need* a house...or the perfect birth plan....or the world's healthiest little boy. What we need is God's grace, and we are covered in it. We need his love and we are enveloped in it. We need His presence and we are surrounded by it. Little by little, we see pieces of His plan revealed. If I had not resigned, I would have to miss far more work than allotted, in order to care for myself and our son. If we had a house, we would have foster children. If we had foster children, the 2 weeks I need to spend in KC before the birth would be far more daunting. God is providing. May our hearts sing His praise long and loud as He continues to replace our plans with His, that HIS name be lifted high.
~Micah

Gifts

I. Love. December.
Love it.
I love cold. I love lights. I love Christmas music. I love presents. I love snow. I love giving. I love family. I love break. I love food. I love celebrating Jesus. I love it all!
I always have and always will.
However, this year looks different....it feels different. Life is hard. So much change...so many decisions, pain, burdens, stresses, heartaches.
And this year, my brother is missing.
It didn't really hit me until today. Today, we were driving through my hometown and drove past his house. It looks so...different. Ben loved the Christmas season too. If he were still here, I would have seen him up on the roof today, moaning and groaning and wrestling Christmas lights while trying to conceal his own excitement. He would have teased me about my love for presents and pretended he wasn't going to get me anything this year. In my huge family, we draw names and buy a gift for one sibling...but Ben always got me a gift whether he drew my name or not. Something that was without-a-doubt----pink. And if it was pink AND glittery, he would be that much more likely to get it for me. Even when I really didn't need anything else pink, fluffy, and covered in glitter, Ben's gifts have always meant so much to me. He was one who gave from his heart. I knew that whatever gifts he gave, he thought long and hard about what would be most fitting. One of my very, very favorite things about December the last 4 years was the alone time I had with Ben. Because he worked for a college and I went to college, our breaks aligned. While everyone else was still working away, Ben and I would have a week or so each year just for us. We would shop...go out for ice cream...attempt to decorate....cook...and watch Christmas movies. I would watch him (NO JOKE) chug at least a half-gallon of egg nog a day. If it snowed, I would peek out the window as he stayed out all night in ridiculous temperatures to shovel the driveways of every house he could get to. Those special times with Ben were, and continue to be, such a treasure. There won't be any time with Ben this year. That's hard. It hurts. When I think about it, my stomach twists and my heart drops. I so badly want to make it stop, to somehow return Ben to us. I want to give into bitterness and anger. I want to scream, or break something, or pretend that Christmas...that LIFE...isn't really happening.
But is that what God wants for me? Does he really want me to allow my heart to harden? Is His desire for me to rob the joy of those around me, to close my eyes to beauty that could be?
Perhaps God wants to give me a gift this year which is different from any that I can fathom...the gift of giving..TRULY giving...of myself.  I desperately want to bring an offering, but what do I have to give? I cannot bring a flawless heart...I cannot bring wholeness or understanding or strength. Maybe what He wants is my brokenness...my sin, my weakness, my very need for all that He is. Perhaps instead of holding back, I can give. Perhaps the brokenness of my heart holds the wholeness of His grace. I will give from the beauty of these ashes, the treasure of these tears, the gift of this pain.
Beyond my flood of emotions, past my broken heart and rattled mind, a loving, understanding, all-knowing God is holding the pieces. Despite the aches, the hurts, and all that is, God is being glorified.
So this year...I will choose joy. I will choose celebration, openness, and love. I will choose to steal the glory from satan and lay it at the feet of the One who loved me enough to be born in a manger.

Pre-Marriage Prayer

Father,

I sit here in awe of Your love for me. You are a giver of such good gifts and now you have given me the gift of a husband-to-be, of coming marriage. I never could have fathomed the beauty, pain, or blessing of Your plan. For years, I longed to glimpse this piece of Your beautiful plan for my life...and now I see. I see the intentions of the man who will be my husband. I see the integrity, honor, and character you have grown in him for 22 years. I see the way he loves me. I see his dimples, hear his laughter, and squeeze his hand. I see that Your plan for my life includes becoming one with an incredible man after Your own heart. I see....and yet I still see so little. You have done so much, and yet You have so much left to do! There is so much I still do not see....but for so long now, I have seen that You are good. Marriage will be such a leap of faith for me. It means I must continue becoming less and less. It means I must sacrifice myself and my desires more each day than the day before. It means I must admit failure, seek forgiveness, and forgive all the more. It means I have the terrifying honor of handing over my patched-together trust and fragile heart. I need You more than ever. Give us a marriage instead of just a wedding. In the times when we are drowning beneath the wave of demand for frills, dollar signs, and selfishness, lock our gaze on You. Grow us in the months to come more than ever before. May the outpouring of our hearts and attitudes before, during, and after this wedding brilliantly reflect You. Thank You, Father, for this amazing man I will call my husband. Thank you for being near and sustaining me through the years of painful waiting. Prepare me to be the woman of God who can complete this man in Your image. May the wonder and awe of this gift be only beginning and may it grow only greater for Your glory with time.   

Amen.

Feeling Unworthy...

Yesterday was such a beautiful day! It rained the most perfect rain all day. There was nothing I could do to wipe the smile of my face! As I thought about how much I love rain, and how good God is to send it, I was consumed with feelings of unworthiness. Think about it: He is the King of the Universe, greater than our minds can even fathom. He didn't have to create us, but He did. Then, He could have just created us, remained distant, and left us to live our miserable lives, and ultimately suffer eternally in hell. But He didn't. He saved us from eternal death. He still could have just left us to live our lives on earth, and then be rescued from hell when we die. Yet, once again, He didn't stop there. Instead, He envelopes us in His love, makes each day a joy to live, sends trials to refine us, His words to comfort us, and His creation to remind us. He gave us the honor of being able to praise His precious name and bring Him glory. We, the lowly humans that we are, are ushered into the throne room of the King and invited to pour out our hearts at His feet. He lavishes blessings upon us. He gives us RAIN to dance in! :) Too often, we are so caught up in asking for more or complaining about the pain of being refined that we don't pause long enough to realize how unworthy we really are. My mind is blown by the love of our King! How can I not sing His praise? How can I not love His people? How can I not run outside into the rain at 2am? This is not to say that the world doesn't get me down. Because it does....way too often...daily even. But my prayer is that I will constantly be reminded of the character of God and once again find myself smiling uncontrollably as I run through the rain. We are so unworthy, so full of failure. But instead of causing us to live lives of depression, this should make us love Him even more.

God is Good!

Friends, I am so sorry I have abandoned blogging for so long! Partway through the Ruth study, life got pretty crazy! My brother and grandpa were both not doing well health-wise, and this led to quite a bit of unexpected travels! As you can tell, it took me a while to get back on track. Even though this summer may not have been what I had always thought the summer before college would look like, I look over my shoulder and see a summer full of God's goodness, providence, and comfort. In all honesty, I was terrified about starting college. I like change, but in small doses. There just seemed to be so many unknowns, and I believe that is what we as humans fear most. I felt like I was losing a lot and walking somewhat blindly. Hmm...I guess that is why we are told to walk by faith, not by sight! :) Even throughout the fear, it was comforting to know that I was in the will of God. In fact, here is the story of why I am even at Tabor: Last December, I had spent a week observing my sister teaching her special-ed class in CA. When the week was over, we were on our way to the LA airport and I couldn't keep my mind from thinking of the future. I thought I would probably end up at a college, but didn't want to be 100% set on that. Rather than being solely a career driven woman, I have always wanted to answer whatever call God gives me. I started praying that God would clearly show me where he wanted me to be, especially if it was at a school since I needed to begin the paperwork and such. When we got to the airport, I met a guy who recognized my Sterling backpack and told me he was a pastor in Hillsboro, KS and had children who had gone to Tabor. He sat with me and we talked for quite a while. Then, he got up to get a drink and ran into two Tabor students to whom he introduced me. After talking to him for a while longer, I felt God nudging me to apply to Tabor. So, I did! And here I am. :) In fact, I ran into the pastor the first week of school and he could hardly believe the story! I also visited his church and will probably attend there and be able to serve in the children's ministries. :) Another thing I had been fervently praying about was a car. I had been saving up for several months but just didn't have the money I thought I would. I investigated several opportunities that came my way but nothing ever worked out. There was always some reason that I couldn't get a car. I prayed and prayed that God would provide. I reminded myself of Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." Yet, I continued to search and not be content....and get worried! Finally, God just had to hit me over the head one afternoon while I was finishing up a trip to Colorado. After losing the summer work I had lined up because of family emergencies, I just knew I would leave for college without a car. It was frustrating--I wouldn't be able to drive to Wichita to work, come home on weekends, or simply have the convenience. But that was just it. It was a convenience! The more I thought about it, the more ashamed I became of my stubbornness. I finally truly gave it to God. I told Him that I knew He wanted me to wait and that was ok. I would survive. It fact, I would thrive. God was going with me, and that is all I needed. I finally was going to be content. It was such a wonderful feeling! Little did I know, God had something HUGE for me in the near future. That night, some friends asked me if they could take me out to dinner the next night when I got back to Kansas. After our meal the next night, we went out to the car and there was a small pink gift bag on the driver's seat with my name on it. Inside were the keys and paperwork to their car! I was blown away as you can probably imagine. I couldn't even stand up! By the time I had finished telling them what had happened just the day before, we were a wonderful example of the water works. Plus, it wasn't just a car...it was my dream car! A Pontiac Grand AM. :) For days, I just couldn't believe what had happened. This family had been praying over this decision for a few weeks and felt God give the go-ahead. Meanwhile, I was praying that God would help me give my desire to him. As soon as I opened my hands to give it up, he gave it right back in a much bigger and better form. So, I headed to Tabor a couple weeks later in my new car, nervous but knowing God was there with me, guiding my every step and hearing my every prayer. After being here for four weeks, it puts a smile on my face to thing of all the ways God has blessed me already. Growth, close friends, wonderful classes, ministry opportunities, the list goes on and on. So, that is where I am at in life--blessed, joyful, and more excited than ever to see where God will lead next! Thank you so much for your prayers! They are being heard and answered by one truly amazing God!

Opening My Hands

This is a story that is very special to me and made me fall in love with God all the more! The first week of December, my brother Ben and I flew to California for a family reunion. After the reunion, I spend a week with my sister, Catherine,who teaches special ed. I helped in and enjoyed her classroom since I have a passion for Special-Ed and disabled children. Waiting in the airport late at night on the day we were flying out, I was bored and we had over an hour to wait. By the way, I don't like airports! I am not good at waiting and find it all slightly confusing and stressful. While waiting for the plane, I noticed an adorable little boy toddling around in a handicap walker. For some reason, I felt an urge to go meet this little one. I sat there wondering why and remembered a devotion I had heard a few weeks before. The pastor had talked about opening our hands to God so He can give AND take away. If any of you know me, you know that I am TERRIFIED of awkwardness. I will go to extreme measures to avoid it! I knew that introducing myself to strangers for what appeared to be no reason would definitely be awkward! However, I decided to pray about it. It went something like this: "God, if you want to put those people by me on the plane so I can meet them, please do that. (10 minutes go by...) Ok God. If you want me to go meet those people, tell me. Just remember that it would be awkward! Really. Who just goes and meets strangers in airports??? Seriously God. You don't want me to that. But just in case....I will be willing. (10 minutes go by...) Ok, ok. I hear ya God. Please don't let me look like a fool!" So...there I was. Going to meet a little boy and his mom and I had no idea why! I introduced myself and started talking to the boy, whose name was Devin. He just gave me the biggest smile! I then noticed that his mom was signing to him while she spoke! I now thought he must be unable to talk, so he uses sign language. I was excited to share that I knew sign. I talked with his mom for a while and she told me he was deaf! Now, I was beginning to see what God was up to. I had no idea he was deaf! It ended up that they sat very near me on the plane and they live in Wichita. Meeting them was such a blessing to me and taught me a lot about opening my hands to God, even when it might be *gulp* awkward!

P.S.
On the plane ride home, I asked God to show Himself again. This time, He put me in the seat next to a little boy with Spina Bifida. He is 8 and we became great buddies. What a sweetie! Prayer is SO powerful!!!