Because He First Loved Her

Six months ago, God taught me something that changed my life. At the time we were needing to answer the question "Will you keep this little girl long term?" After a six day "trial run" filled with appointments and sleepless nights I was planning on saying no. It just didn't make sense. As a foster dad and Christian I had spent my life loving others because "God first loved me"... but God's love of me wasn't enough for me to say yes. It surprised me! It was supposed to be enough. It was what I had been told for 25 years. "You love because He first loved you". Yet it wasn't enough to overcome the fear and hardship that would result if we said yes. But just hours before we gave our answer God spoke to my heart and explained that it wasn't about me. I was supposed to love not because He loved ME but because He loved HER! I was supposed to love sacrificially because He had sacrificed himself for her! Her value had been determined on the cross and I was supposed to treat her according to the value He set! No longer was serving God and obeying His command to love based on what I got out of the deal. I knew God died for me, but I had perverted that life giving truth so far that I felt entitled to a good life because my value was so high that God died for me. I was only willing to love because I first got something good. On the outside it looked like I was selflessly loving others but there was still so much I was holding back because of my desire for comfort and how I had warped the gospel. This lesson was a step in the right direction for me. Now, I am nowhere near selfless and daily my pride hurts from my failures, but I know God is using me. These past six months I have found greater joy and passion for service in God's kingdom and I yearn to see others experience that as well. I yearn to see people radically loving the orphan, widow and our neighbors! For me that has been enabled by thinking less of myself and more about the priceless value of each person I meet. For God so loved the widow, the orphan, the outcast, the sick, the World, that He sacrificed everything! And because He sacrificed everything! I can say yes. Not ONLY because He first loved me but because Christ first loved THEM.
-Silas