Dear 2014

Dear 2014,

You were perhaps the most life-changing 365 days I have experienced thus far. Between your bookends, I traveled to Haiti where my flame for missions was fanned. I buried my brother and began a journey of deepest hurt and healing. I graduated from college and moved to Wichita. I married my sweet Silas and am slowly beginning to learn to love and be loved as our Father loves. Marriage has brought the purest of joys while I have thrashed and questioned beneath the weight of commitment and the beautiful trial that is matrimony. I became a teacher and realized even further the depth of my passion for reaching those with special needs, and yet found myself drowning in the system. Friendships faded and I battled not feeling well for months. As I have many times before, I experienced loss, heartache, and the scorching blaze of refining fire. I felt the frozen fingers of bitterness squeezing the very life from my soul. I clawed and grasped in a desperate attempt to cling to all that has held my identity for 22 years, screaming at God to show up. I questioned, pleaded, and doubted. My Father faithfully dissolved, one by one, the idols that have held my identity captive for so long. I found myself flailing, no longer able to find fulfillment in anything but everything that HE is. As you draw to a close 2014, it could be easy to hope that this year is easier. I could wish for a year with less pain, less decisions, and less weakness. I could choose to ask for a year where I will be the one to shine, where my marriage will be a fairytale, where my career will be fulfilling and certain, where those I love are guaranteed safety. I could demand a nice house and the American dream. But then…where would the beauty be?  I am only here, I am only gifted, able, and beautifully formed in His image so that HE may be glorified! You were far from easy, 2014. But you were beautiful. The breath-taking handprint of the reigning King in unmistakably present within your each and every moment. I was held, I was refined, I was provided for, I was fought for. God faithfully stripped away that which marred His beauty in my life and gently tended to that which would make me more like Him. He has fought for my heart through my rejection, bitterness, and heartbreak. Therefore, I will welcome 2015 with expectation and excitement of how God will glorify Himself in the coming days. I know that the refining has only just begun. More idols will await their annihilation, more lessons must be learned, and more change than ever is on the horizon. Through it all, God will provide as He always has. Because of His sovereignty and goodness, I step forward with my husband in confidence and faith. I will choose to cling to my Faithful Father, to His promises, and to my husband. Together, Silas and I will hold with open hands all that He has given, taken, and is yet to give and take. GLORY be to the God most high, who lavishes His grace, favor, and blessing on His children. I praise Him for all that you were, 2014, and for all that 2015 is yet to reveal.

Sincerly, 

Micah Rachel Pederson