From One Who Grieves

My big brother's death has brought a pain and emptiness I had never known before. The last 8 days have been unbearably hard for my family and me. I know this journey is just beginning, but I have some thoughts from the perspective of one who is grieving.

1) Although it seems silly, don't be afraid to ask how I am. Even if I don't have an answer, it lets me know you care.

2) Don't stop sharing your own heart with me because you are afraid I already have too big of a burden to bear. If you feel you can't share with me, I don't feel as free to share with you.

3) Please, please don't shy away from mentioning my brother or his death. Thoughts of him are all I can think about right now, so you bringing them up is not a shock or surprise, but a relief that I am not alone with the elephant in the room.

4) I know grieving people often gripe about cliches and such that are said...but please don't be afraid to offend me with your encouragement (unless it is REALLY dumb! ;)). Scripture is especially important. At a time where lies are flying from every side, truth is all we can cling to. Once the numbness wears off, I will be able to look back and see the truth and promises that carry us.

5) At the same time, be willing to be silent. More than anything, I long for someone who would just sit...sit and listen when I want to laugh about Ben's funny stories, sit while I cry a really ugly cry, or sit while I too sit in silence, lost in my own thoughts.

6) Be gracious. I'm learning that grief not only crushes the heart, it incapacitates the brain. I am dropping balls right and left...I can't remember what day it is, what commitments I've made, or where I put my coffee cup. Please extend grace as I fight to keep my head above water.

Like I said, this journey is just beginning. I praise God for those who are willing to walk alongside my family every step of the way. God is our rock, and He uses each of you to remind us of that. Thank you!

Picture: kendallchurch.org