Led to the Cross

I have been pondering many possible blog posts lately, but it was an event last night that led me to write. Some of you may know, and some may not, but God has been gracious enough to have been holding me in the refining fire for quite some time. Sometimes, the pain feels almost unbearable and last night was one of those times. My heart was shattered yet again. I decided pretty impulsively to head to the lake to escape and search out the love I was so desperately needing. As I stepped out the door to leave, I couldn't hold the sobs in any longer. I wanted to be alone with my God and realized that I may be interrupted at the lake. Weeping, I started driving and had no idea where I was going. All I knew was that I was falling apart. As I drove, I cried out again and again to God, begging for His embrace. After a while, I realized I was heading toward our church, which is a ways out of town. But, instead of turning off, I just kept driving. I thought about a time when my friend had showed me a hill near where I was that had three crosses on it. I looked up ahead and there they stood: three wooden crosses on a little hill, illuminated from behind by the setting sun. I got a little closer and then pulled over. After taking a few stumbling steps, I fell onto my knees, just listening for the voice of God. All at once, my spirit was totally at rest. Peace washed over me as God gently began whispering His promises in my ear. "I will never leave you...If I am for you, who can be against you?....I not only accept you, I desire you...I know the plans I have for you...I love you...I am here...." and on and on. I sat there on my knees just soaking it in. I didn't have to say a thing. It was time for me to listen. I was so thankful that no one drove by! The sight of a young girl in the middle of the country at sunset, kneeling in a field with her arms raised high might be slightly alarming. :) But wow...what an incredible, incredible love note God sent me in that beautiful scene last night. I was driving blindly and could have easily gotten in a wreck. My spirit was broken and I was ready to give in to the pain. But He not only protected me, He knew exactly what I was longing for, what I needed most. He led me to the place of the ultimate outpouring of love. He led me to the cross. When I finally felt ready to leave, I headed back to the lake. I took a few more minutes to bask in His love and write in my journal while sitting on the dock. What I wrote was pretty much the short version of what I have already told you, but I thought I would share it with you. Here it is:

I am broken. Shattered.
I get in and press the gas.
I don't know where to go.
I can't see through the tears, can't hear through the sobs.
You protect me. You guide me. You lead me.
I cry out to You: "Hold me! Love me! Hear me!"
I drive and drive.
I see the crosses, three on a hill.
The sunset blazes behind them and I know you have sent me a love note.
I get out.
I stumble through the grass and fall to my knees.
Your embrace envelopes me.
All at once, my spirit is still.
All I hear is Your voice, the voice that never fails to comfort me, lead me, and lift my eyes.
You, God, are everything.
It is well with my soul.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
~2 Corinthians 12:9~